evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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