Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
