I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
