I feel great
I just peed on a car
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it's not cheating when I paid for it
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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