and then he started using my ass as a stressball
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
