I like to think it a success when the cops are called
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
