I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
