Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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