how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
