chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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