Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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