How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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