my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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