Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
