he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
vagina is talking i cant
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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