1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
