Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
