Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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