Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
