Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
