I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
