Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
