My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She made me pour olive oil on her.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
