There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
