I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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