I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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