this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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