True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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