If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
