i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
