God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
