happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
