She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
