The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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