I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
