I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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