she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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