I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
