I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
worst night to have a conscience
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
whose parrot is this?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
