i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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