he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
