Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
