i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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