This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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