So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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