Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
