I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
