roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
