i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
