Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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