my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
